Lately

The latest on the travel bug or as I like to call it.... my Wanderlust. I wrote a blog at the beginning of the year about a big move to WA (Western Australia). It took me about 2 weeks and 6000km. Wow what a trip! I got to Perth area and it was the hardest few months. I couldn't get a job, I applied for over 100 jobs that I knew I was capable of doing, even some that I knew I wasn't qualified to do, but who knows it might have been right for me if I could get an interview. Out of the jobs I applied for I had 5 interviews....just 5! The job market was tough and my saving dwindled each week as I had bills to pay and grocery shopping. Before I had left Queensland I had been put on for a job that was temporary, but it was worth a lot of money for the short period, the job was pushed back until May and I decided since I couldn't get work where I was I would fly back for this 3 week job, it helped a lot with the bills and I wasn't so far behind anymore once I got back to WA. ...

Well, well, well..... It has been some time since I have written. April to be more precise. I haven't had anything that has motivated me to turn on Blogger and, well, Blog. What have I been up to Lately?? Well I recently decided I was spending too much time, not doing anything at all, apart from the normal day to day grind of work, relax, cleaning etc etc.... I was spending hours, yes HOURS of my time each day surfing my Facebook news feed, which so many of us do, I wake up I check Facebook, I have breakfast I check Facebook, I watch sunrise on 7 with my morning coffee, but I'm actually looking at my Facebook news feed, the same thing I was reading an hour ago when I woke up. What has my life become? Obsessed with what people are doing, obsessed with people knowing what I'm doing with my day, not like they actually care one little bit. Just as, for the most part I couldn't care less that they just spent way too much shopping in the big smoke. Facebook started as a socia...

  Well…. Where do I start? It has been about 5 weeks since I left Gladstone on my big journey to the otherside of the country. I travelled over 6000km with just my dog as company, and she wasn’t very good company as I found out on day two of driving, each time we got in the car, she just went to sleep and even got a little car sick which I felt utterly terrible about. Through long days I kept myself awake with singing, yes im sure my dog wanted to mawel me, because I am not a great singer but hey, I will sing if no one is around to hear it! After about 5 days in NSW I started getting that horrible gut feeling that I was doing the wrong thing, making the wrong choice by leaving. Most things never go to plan for me, so I thought that yeah my my car is gonna break down or blow up. But I said good bye to my family I was staying with and head south to see some friends and then to stay at my brothers on the south coast of NSW. What a beautiful area, coming over the range and seeing...

I have come to realise lately that I am not in the frame of mind to commit, let alone find love. I have had some pretty crappy relationships, and the last 2 meaningful ones didn't end well. Not on my part, but men seem to find it hard to be honest and easier to lie. If you lie, you are giving another person a false answer, a false ending. I know I had that false ending, and never had the closure I deserved. It ended with me thinking I was not good enough, being told they didn't want a relationship, yet moved straight into a new one like our time together meant nothing. That hurt more than any physical pain, it destroyed me, and my trust for men. I have not even bothered since, because what is the point when my track record proves that I am not worthy of love from a partner, I am not worthy of honesty. what is the point?? I don't know what the point of a relationship is but to reproduce. I am happy on my own, I have great friends and family to keep me occupied. but there is...

Lately I have been thinking about how I feel normal, sane... happy. It's rare that I've felt this way. I am a very emotional person, whether people choose to believe it or not, doesn't affect me. My past has been a roller coaster of emotions, since I was a child I can clearly remember always feeling blah. And I never have, as an adult, understood the true meaning of being or 'feeling' happy, until now. I hardly ever cry, unless I'm watching a sad show or movie. For a while there when I was 16-21 I lost count of the days I cried. I was seriously lost in a downward void where I could see no light. For anyone who has suffered from something similar, they will understand where I am coming from as they read this. For those of you who never suffered from deep depression, as much as you want to sympathize and feel you understand, I am afraid that you never will truly get it, but I will try to paint the best picture I can, and I hope in doing so you do not think me a nu...

Lately I've been thinking bout the future and where I want to be.... All my life I have moved around, I have been to so many schools it hits double figures. I never have enough in one place, my head and my heart yearn to explore, I wish I hadn't of wasted so much time just working and getting no where. I am lucky to have experienced so many amazing places, I've lived in remote locations in the middle of the desert, I have flown overseas and spent time in the USA, I have been to 6 countries and I know to some that is not a lot, but to others they haven't even left the state they live in. I am lucky and fortunate in so many ways, and I know this, I am glad for this, but I want so much more, I want the world, I want to see it all. and people tell me that I have been so many places and seen a lot, but it will never be enough, anyone who has traveled knows this, anyone with that bug, knows that it will never be enough, to just settle in one place is so hard. It's like se...

Lately I have really felt like writing, it’s been such a long time since I have written anything at all. Nothing meaningful ever comes to mind, so I thought maybe if I just sit down and start typing I might actually find my inner writer that has been hiding in the shadows for so many years. When I was younger I used to write all the time, I would sit and write poetry and short stories. I guess I had a lot on my mind to let out and onto paper. Not so long ago I found a piece of writing from when I was 17/18 and I literally sat and cried my eyes out. It was so sad and full of emotions that had long been forgotten. I was in a very dark place, with dark thoughts and a dark life all around me. I couldn’t feel the sunshine on my face or the laughter of my friends, I was stuck in a void of helplessness and loneliness. It was a build up of years of not being able to be honest, with myself or with others and I kept it all inside. I felt like I could trust no one, eventually it got the better ...