Lately

Lately I have been thinking about how I feel normal, sane... happy. It's rare that I've felt this way. I am a very emotional person, whether people choose to believe it or not, doesn't affect me. My past has been a roller coaster of emotions, since I was a child I can clearly remember always feeling blah. And I never have, as an adult, understood the true meaning of being or 'feeling' happy, until now. I hardly ever cry, unless I'm watching a sad show or movie. For a while there when I was 16-21 I lost count of the days I cried. I was seriously lost in a downward void where I could see no light. For anyone who has suffered from something similar, they will understand where I am coming from as they read this. For those of you who never suffered from deep depression, as much as you want to sympathize and feel you understand, I am afraid that you never will truly get it, but I will try to paint the best picture I can, and I hope in doing so you do not think me a nu...

Lately I've been thinking bout the future and where I want to be.... All my life I have moved around, I have been to so many schools it hits double figures. I never have enough in one place, my head and my heart yearn to explore, I wish I hadn't of wasted so much time just working and getting no where. I am lucky to have experienced so many amazing places, I've lived in remote locations in the middle of the desert, I have flown overseas and spent time in the USA, I have been to 6 countries and I know to some that is not a lot, but to others they haven't even left the state they live in. I am lucky and fortunate in so many ways, and I know this, I am glad for this, but I want so much more, I want the world, I want to see it all. and people tell me that I have been so many places and seen a lot, but it will never be enough, anyone who has traveled knows this, anyone with that bug, knows that it will never be enough, to just settle in one place is so hard. It's like se...

Lately I have really felt like writing, it’s been such a long time since I have written anything at all. Nothing meaningful ever comes to mind, so I thought maybe if I just sit down and start typing I might actually find my inner writer that has been hiding in the shadows for so many years. When I was younger I used to write all the time, I would sit and write poetry and short stories. I guess I had a lot on my mind to let out and onto paper. Not so long ago I found a piece of writing from when I was 17/18 and I literally sat and cried my eyes out. It was so sad and full of emotions that had long been forgotten. I was in a very dark place, with dark thoughts and a dark life all around me. I couldn’t feel the sunshine on my face or the laughter of my friends, I was stuck in a void of helplessness and loneliness. It was a build up of years of not being able to be honest, with myself or with others and I kept it all inside. I felt like I could trust no one, eventually it got the better ...